I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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