Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
