omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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