he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
