She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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