i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
