my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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