Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
