I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
