so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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