You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
