where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
