Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
