This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
