Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
