I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
