He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
