her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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