And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
