ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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