I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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