Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize