Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
