i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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