woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
