She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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