you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
