If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
