I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
