I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
