Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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