True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
