Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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