1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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