Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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