In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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