Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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