he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
