Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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