Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
