What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
