Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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