Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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