dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
