You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize