All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
