If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
