It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
