Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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