Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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