I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
