He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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