I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
and you fell through a lawn chair
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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