discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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