No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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