yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
