I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
