youre lurking in front of me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
