I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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