It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
