WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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