When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
