saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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