Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
