So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
