Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
