I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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