I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
