nut hugger
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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