I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
