I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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